How?

How? How can you still have so much compassion, and love someone so much, that has hurt you deeply? Impossible you say? It isn't, I know this feeling all too well now.

I have to admit that today was one of the hardest of all since this all happened. To be sitting across, not even 100 feet, from the one you love so much, that is a threat to your life. It's heart wrenching, in so many different ways.

I have the judge to my right, who I have done the unheard of to, and emailed him directly with my fears. I have the prosecutor to my left. The one who is supposed to be on my side more than anyone, but hasn't even heard me out through this whole situation. Then across from me, my husband, the one I have loved so much I withstood horrible abuse from.

I couldn't even look up from the table, couldn't even look at his face. I just heard the words the attorney said, the words my husband said, and then the words of the judge. All this time my heart was pounding out of my chest, as I stared blankly at the table, trying to keep from shaking too much.

I called out to God there in the courtroom today. Not only did I ask him to protect me and the kids, but I asked him to save my husband. As the judge gave his orders, and "J" got up to walk away I looked up, and still I see that same anger in his eyes that I remember all to well.

I can't imagine, and don't want to imagine the feeling of knowing he is being released, out, to do whatever he may chose. He could abide by the rules, but it doesn't seem likely. I don't want to live a life of fear, always looking behind me, locking myself in the home... Fear for your life and your children is the worst pain I have felt in my lifetime...


My friend, my savior, my sister in Christ, and my Guam mom are all in the same person. Helen, and without her I don't know where I'd be right now. She has been amazingly there by my side throughout this whole ordeal. She has set up a special account, linked it to paypal, and also to a web page for donations. These donations are an attempt to get the kids and I off this small island to safety before he gets released. Please take a moment to check out the link posted below, and pass it around if you may. God bless you and your family.


http://guamvictimadvocate.webs.com/